Oh, classmates

Where to begin? Like every experience from the cradle to the grave, law school is rife with people I would rather I had just never met. Perhaps more so, given the fact that we will all eventually become members of the most loathed profession on Earth (after IRS auditor, pharmaceutical rep, and President).

I suppose I could adopt a Zen-like posture and view even the most annoying twit as a teacher and try to remain open to the possibilities of the experience. Plus, I always have been a cynical, socially phobic snob, so perhaps now is the time to start over with the right foot forward.

Eh, not so much. Someday I will have evolved to the point where I can deal with difficult people effortlessly, but for now it takes energy that can be better devoted to the eight billion other things I have to worry about in my life. Plus, that one guy is JUST. SO. ANNOYING. Seriously. Shut up. I don't care what you think, and you're usually wrong anyway. Nobody else is as in love with the sound of your voice as you are. We would all rather hear our own voices than yours, and you are taking up valuable time for us to show off that we read the case, too. Oh, and to that other kid? You know who you are. Yes, you are smart. Very smart. Probably much smarter than me, which is a good clue as to why I don't like you. It's a good thing you're shorter than me, because otherwise I would totally have to kick your ass.

Ooh! and to the people who whine about the workload. Guess what? Law school is hard. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it should be, given all the incompetent boobs out there who pretend to be lawyers. Let's just wait til finals time to see if skipping the parts of the reading that you decided weren't important pays off, okay? And guess what else: that cushy $135-grand-a-year firm job you want to land when you graduate is going to be EVEN WORSE. Bet you wish you took a couple years off after undergrad now, bitches!

By the way: attention all gunners. I don't know how many A's the curve allows, but I hope you don't get any of them. They should go to people who go to school to learn, not to people who go to measure the size of their intellectual genitalia.

For the five or six people who fall into the category of people I don't want to beat to a pulp? Thank you for being there. You are awesome. You're smart. Hella wicked smart. You don't care about whether other people know it or not, because you're smart for yourself and what you want to accomplish, not to show other people you're better than they are. Keep on rockin' in the free world. Seriously.